I invite you to go back to the Wizarding World with me!
And set it on fire. Incendio!
Kidding, kidding. But we have to admit that our big return to the Potterverse was slightly disappointing.
Everyone was super excited. Hundreds, thousands of bookstores held great events, all the cosplayers resurged like Dumbledore’s phoenix, it was the eight book, the return of the most successful children’s series EVER!
And then came: “Oh. It’s-It’s a play? Cool… I guess.”
And: “Oh, so J. K. Rowling didn’t actually write it? Well, the idea was hers so it’s fine… Really, it’s fine! *sobs*”
And when it first came out – on Harry’s birthday! – the internet exploded.
- Everyone was immediately a Scorbus shipper (I’ll fight you, Rose).
- People were reasonably WTFing at Harry because seriously, WTF, Harry.
- PLOT HOLES.
- Overall, people were really damn mad.
Let me just explain that I actually didn’t read the book until about two weeks ago. At the time of the release, a copy was about 25 euros and my parent’s refusal to buy it for me really didn’t surprise me. Plus, they had another argument: it wasn’t actually written by J. K. Rowling.
IT’S HARRY POTTER NEXT GEN. I’ll read anything!
It didn’t convince them. But here we are months later; I got my hands on a friend’s Spanish copy! #excited as heck.
But… It was just meh.
Harry was completely OOC
(Out of character)
The Harry Potter we knew in the original series was a cinnamon roll, and would never would have told his own son the phrase “Well, sometimes I wish you weren’t my son!”
WHY would anyone think this is okay? Our Harry was an orphan who suffered a lack of love for eleven years and understands how important it is to treat children well. He would never tell his son that. This happened just to move the plot forward and was a terrible mistake.
Also, I personally believe our Harry would have been very accepting of Scorpius: bear in mind that Harry knows what it feels like to be considered different because of a connection to the Dark Lord, plus in his second year he was ostracized because everyone thought he was the Heir of Slytherin… See any similarities here? Aaaaand this leads to our next discussion.
The Malfoys were actually… great?
I’ve been an enormous fan of Draco Malfoy since I read the books, he was one of the smartest characters and the most broken – thus complex and interesting! I think one of the only good things about this book was that anyone who was anti-Draco before finally understood him.
And particularly in Cursed Child, Scorpius was the best character! And no one can tell me (or the entire Tumblr user base) that he isn’t gay.
Remember when Albus said:
“We’ll be better off without each other, okay?”
And in the next line, the literal quote was:
Scorpius is left looking up after him. Heartbroken.
If you’re not convinced that Scorbus should have ended up as canon, I actually have another quote for you.
Albus: […] You make me stronger – and when Dad forced us apart – without you-
Scorpius: I didn’t much like my life without you in it either.
I could have handled Scorpius and Albus not ending up as a couple. Really. I would still ship Scorbus, but if there had been a better match (unlikely), I would have accepted it.
But then, Scorpius declared he liked Rose.
Rose was not the cute Hermione-like nerd I was expecting. She was a huge asshole who did nothing but be incredibly rude to Scorpius and Albus for the entire book. There’s no reason why Scorpius should like Rose Weasley, except maybe the writers were trying to do a modern, canon Dramione.
Which, as a Dramione shipper, I hated. Scorpius isn’t Draco AT ALL, and Rose couldn’t be further from the Hermione we know and love.
But anyway, I just needed to get this of my chest. Feel free to weigh in, there’s a comment box down there calling your name!
What’s up with time turners?
So, as anyone who’s read Harry Potter remembers, time-turners don’t allow any alterations in the past, because any minor change would alter the future too…
Which is what happened in this book.
Basically, Amos Diggory comes to Harry because he’s heard a rumor about a time turner in the Ministry and wants to use it to get Cedric back. Harry says no – and it’s the only reasonable thing he does in the whole book, probably. Albus is angry at his father, so he decides he’ll do it because he thinks Harry’s just being selfish.
Albus and Scorpius steal the time-turner from Hermione’s office (it was lousily protected and quite easy to get for someone with a little brains). Then they just go back in time till the Triwizard Tournament and try to save Cedric. The entirety of Prisoner of Azkaban tells us this shouldn’t be possible.
Even though Cedric still dies, the time-travel leads to a bunch of changes in Albus and Scorpius’s lives – thanks to Hermione seeing them dressed in Durmstrang robes when they were sabotaging the Tournament, she doesn’t trust Krum and rejects him for the Yule Ball thus Ron never gets jealous, so he never falls for her. He ends up marrying Padma Patil and he doesn’t really seem happy. Also Rose doesn’t exist (in this universe, Scorbus would probably have been canon. Yes, I’m still salty).
So Albus and Scorpius have a million-dollar idea and decide to screw up things even more by going back. They sabotage the Tournament even more, and they get Cedric to abandon it, so they save him! Great!
Except his survival is NOT great, because he becomes a Death Eater (I don’t know why, in the original books Cedric was a jolly good fellow) and doesn’t kill many people, but he does kill one of the most crucial fighters in the Battle of Hogwarts: Neville Longbottom.
For those of you who don’t remember, Neville is super important because he kills Nagini, Voldemort’s snake and his last horcrux (apart from Harry).
So, with one horcrux left, the Dark Lord manages to kill Harry, and in this alternate reality, he wins the war.
Oh, and since Harry is dead, Albus literally does not exist. Plus, Scorpius tortures people and is just an all-around pureblood dirtbag – which is not believable.
In the end they fix all this, but the plot holes still remain.
The only good thing about the confusing alternate universes is that it confirms my anti-Romione theory: it never should have happened. The book literally tells us that they would never have fallen in love if Hermione hadn’t gone to the ball with Krum and made Ron jealous. Isn’t it lovely to see your NOTPs falling apart?
Does anyone else feel sorry for Delphini?
Delphini Diggory- I mean, Delphini Riddle or whatever her name is was one of the most confusing characters here (and boy, were there a few). I cannot believe Voldemort would have a daughter with Bellatrix Lestrange, who, by the way, was married at the time. We can tell that Cursed Child was completely unplanned and spontaneous because there was no foreshadowing at all about the very foreshadow-able events.
And even if Voldemort (who was conceived under the effects of a love potion and therefore was incapable of love) did decide he wanted a heir, I don’t know how or where Delphini would have been raised! Her guardian didn’t care for her too much… It’s all so weird.
When we met her, I thought she was going to be this cute Nymphadora Tonks-like character. And then she really wasn’t. I think her identity reveal was an interesting plot twist, and gave the book some suspense.
I hate her for manipulating Albus. But I can’t help but feel sorry for her.
She’s just another orphan, another Harry. Remember that, when Harry first heard about time-turners in the original series, he wondered if they could be used to go back and see his parents, too.
Delphini wanted to meet her father, just like Harry. But since she had no father-figure and no mentor, she actually went through with it. Poor kid.
I’d really love to hear your thoughts on this, and any other things that bothered you about Cursed Child – and also things that you liked! Do comment below, I’d enjoy talking to you very much 🙂